Xian

Her first obstacle was to decide just what role her mother should play in overall theme of the garden. Xian expected that this would be an issue and wasn't sure exactly how it would play out. Her untimely death just made it more difficult.
She could still remember the scene vividly. The sun was warm and the few clouds in the sky provided little cover. Everything seemed more bright than real. She supposed most memories had this tinge to it, at least the most important ones.
They had just returned to the cars when her mother spoke to her. Only an instant later she was lying on the ground dead. The agent must have had some medical training as he sprung into action. He quickly felt for a pulse and started asking about medications. Xian had just froze, not willing to believe what was happening. Even though her mother was a small woman, she had always seemed to be some kind of force of nature. She was unstoppable and permanent. For her to die was unthinkable.
There was nothing that could be done for her. An ambulance was summoned and arrived nearly half an hour later. She was pronounced dead at the scene. She was later told that it was quick and her mother probably felt very little pain. That was a small comfort, very small.
Guilt followed shock. Maybe if she hadn't pushed her so hard on the walk. The stress of that probably did it. In her mind she tried to push this away. Xian didn't know that there was this kind of risk. If she had, she never would have allowed her to come.
That guilt could be dealt with. The harder one was the one that whispered to her that her mother would still be alive if only they hadn't fought so often. Xian had seen this project as a way to become closer with her mother. Instead it had killed her.
The funeral had been traditional. There were white banners with writings designed to represent memories of the dear woman. They had wished her luck and honored her as best they could.
Her family had been understanding and that somehow made things worse. She couldn't help wondering if they somehow thought her guilty and just couldn't bring themselves to speak the accusation. She pulled away from them out of fear that they would hurt her in the ways she feared most.
Xian tried to push all of this away, not wanting to let it get in her way. She admitted these fears only late at night. They were then pushed away so she could sleep. Sometimes brandy helped do the pushing.
There had been some question as to how she could use the Garden to commemorate her mother. Her traditional side had undoubtedly influenced Xian's decision to build it. Should she name it after her? Maybe there should be a shrine inside dedicated to her. Or even something symbolizing the mother daughter relationship. All of these would be worthy ways to show honor.
The problem was that Xian didn't want to do any of them. This was her project. She wanted it to be timeless. Dedicating it to one woman, especially one whom she often fought with seemed wrong. It would be like naming your firstborn after your greatest enemy. It gave them too much power over your life.
The situation could have been intolerable but Xian tried to brush it aside. Sometimes the best way to deal with a problem was to ignore it and that’s what she’d try here. She buried herself in her work.